Guruprasad குருபிரசாத் விஜயராவ்

In India it is pretty common. Parents are addressed using their child’s name: Ram’s mother (Ram oda amma, Ram ki maa / Ram avara amma); Kavitha’s father (Kavitha appa, Kavitha ke papa). I was curious whether this exists only in India or in other parts of the world. It turns out it is common in many cultures.

I turned to turned to Copilot; it educated me on this.

The anthropologist calls it as Teknonymy, practice of referring to a parent by the name of their child instead of their personal name. Arab’s have a word for it, kunya. The commonly known names have this. Abu Ahmed (father of Ahmed), Umm Fatima (mother of Fatima). This is even used in formal names. A famous example is Osama bin Laden, who was often called Abu Abdullah.

In Indonesia and Malaysia, parents are often called “Bapak Andi” (Andi’s father) and “Ibu Sari” (Sari’s mother). In parts of Africa, in places like Nigeria, Ethiopia, and Sudan, parents may be addressed through their child’s name in daily conversation. In traditional Jewish culture as well, historical texts sometimes refer to people as “father of X.”

In South Korea, it is incredibly common for neighbors to call a woman “Min-su eom-ma” (Min-su’s mom). Even husbands and wives may call each other “Appa” (Dad) or “Omma” (Mom) once they have kids. The Hopi and some Amazonian tribes use teknonymy so strictly that a person’s birth name might be completely forgotten by the community over time.

But why not just call the name?

• The “No-Name” Taboo: In some South Indian and Southeast Asian traditions, it was historically believed that saying a spouse’s or elder’s name out loud could shorten their life or bring bad luck. Teknonymy acts as a polite “linguistic bridge.”
• Status Elevation: Mention that teknonymy often signals a “promotion” in social status. In many villages, you aren’t a “full” member of the adult community until you have produced the next generation.

In some societies, the teknonym becomes more common than the person’s real name. Even friends may eventually stop using the original name. To be frank, I don’t know most of my friends’ parents’ names or my neighbors’ names. I just go with uncle and aunt. They are just Chokku amma.

From another perspective, when a child enters a family, the focus of the parents often shifts from themselves to the child. Especially in India, many parents gradually set aside their individual identity and dedicate much of their lives to their children. Choices about where to live, what food to prefer, and even the kind of entertainment they pursue often become centered around the needs and preferences of the kids. In a way, they almost transform from being an individual like Shiva into simply being known as Murugan’s father or mother.

My elder brothers are twins; my mom is referred to as Ramana-Prabhu’s mom 😊—the pride of the first-born to both!